The LMAO thread!

[aritrim]

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ... so does she.

[Guggga]

ROTFLMAO!

Absolute Gem!

[winstoncds]

rotflmao!

[aritrim]

Please post the jokes you enjoyed/laughed most, in this thread.

[alanjg]

Who's Guilty ?

On a bright sunny afternoon a couple returns from their work Tired.
after finishing their dinner at nite,as they were tired from work both goes to sleep in the bedroom.

after few hours..wife shouts..RUN..RUN.. my hubby is coming..RUN or Hide.
the person (husband) next to her..Runs to the Door and realises that he is her HUSBAND

[winstoncds]

THIS IS REAL FUNNY ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA ..

RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT!

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH

Madam :

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab .. I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. Ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday... That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day... fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon

Yours and only yours

Choudhary Warraich, born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab

[alanjg]

He is a real A** Hole!

cant stop laughing...my stomach is paining like hell now..lol


btw which date and year in times newspaper ?

[bandhav]

Lifted from other forum, kinda enjoyed it so feel like sharing it here.

Three men were sitting together recounting how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Albania and boasted that he had told his wife she must do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Korea. He said he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results but the next day it was better. By the third day his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a punjabi girl. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day the didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

One more:

4 Men In A Prison Cell,
A Rapist
A Murderer
A Psyco
&gay.
Rapist Says, "if There Was A Cat Here I'd **** It Till It Die"

The Murderer Says "once Your Done With It, I'd Torture It To Death"

The Psyco "oh Yeah & Once It's Dead I'd **** It Till I Die"

The Gay In The Corner Very Softly Says..

"meoow"

[winstoncds]

lmao@Bandhav. Those are good. Never expected the meow part.

[aritrim]

Nice ones Diablo and Bandhav!

PS: Bandhav you can use the word duck here. No restrictions.