The LMAO thread!

[Guggga]

I get it now. They all failed english miserably at school and decided to take their revenge on the rest!

But like we say in punjabi- pain di lun maieeyawaaaan di!

[alanjg]

well well.. now i'm a member in that forum (i'm still) but i'm not allowed to post anything and reply any forum post.

how about that!

now i can only login and browse the whole shits written by big shits and read all bull shits.

[kvsk4]

(08-05-2010 02:17 AM)Guggga Wrote:  ^^ Fcuk um mate. They are a lame bunch of loosers.

I mean, I have never seen anyone writing any sorta worthwhile insightful review on the history or the quality of the diecast thats paraded like baboon buttocks on those pages. They seriously remind me of naive teens arguing on the size of their pinkys.

You bet the mods must be jobless if they got that much time to read n approve all the posts! They are inspired by Jordan aka Katie Price- faker than silicon & lamer than prosthetics.
Whereas we have Carmen for our muse. Real class

Oh Gaurav, we love you for this........

---

(08-05-2010 09:20 PM)Guggga Wrote:  But like we say in punjabi- pain di lun maieeyawaaaan di!

Gaurav had you wirtten this post on that forum they would have bombarded you with the following message:-

Sorry Guggga but you are banned for The infinity for using A ONE liner gaali-galoch in The Punjabi language.

Your post should have been more explanatory for The rest of The members in The community of The tubelights. It should have been atleast 10 inches wide and 8 inches in height. You should have read the unwritten implied rules and regulations of this community………blaa blaa blaa……blablabla……

[winstoncds]

Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded. '

The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. They have no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the asshole - and they are interchangeable! '

[bandhav]

You made my day man, thanks.

[alanjg]

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

---

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely,

Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.

---

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

---

This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked.

She stuck her head out and said, 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes...'

[Guggga]

^^ Hahahaha! all of um! Hilarious

[bandhav]

Thanks alan, now we know whats the meaning of Gugga bhai's beloved CAR-MEN

[alanjg]

The Spoon

(A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization.)

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took
our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it.
However when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his
shirt pocket, then I looked around the room and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Anderson Consulting, experts
in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical
analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.
This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number
of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.

As luck would have it I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it
with his spare spoon. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen
instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was rather impressed.

I noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from
their flies. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter,
"Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh certainly!" he answered, lowering his voice. "Not everyone is as observant as you.
That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom." "How so?" "See," he continued,
"by tying this string to the tip of your you know what, we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that
way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, lowering his voice even further, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

---

Best Friend

A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings.

It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her "you have the nicest breasts". She says "thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you".

He replies "I would pay you $10 just to see one of them". She thinks for a minute and decides to do it.

He says "Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw....I will give you another $10 if you show me both at the same time".

She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home. She says "your best friend just stopped by". He answers "Great did he leave the $20 he owed me"

---

Don't Fart in Bed

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in there marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor,
she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and
he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey
innards and neck, gizzard, liver, and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back
the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a
blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out,
and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers,
I think I got most of them back in."

[alanjg]

Lambo city ?