The LMAO thread!

[winstoncds]

Ari....the **** could be LICK too.

[aritrim]

Then it looks more stupid to put stars to represent LICK

[bandhav]

Guys i have no talent when it comes to writing joke, so this one is also lifted from another forum.

Little Jonny gets home from school on day, bargesthrough the door and shouts "Mommy! Mommy! I had sex with my teacher." "Oh Jonny! That's disgusting! Go to your room and wait until yourfather has a word with you."
Three hours later, Jonny's father comes through the door. He doesn't seem unhappy, but pleasantlysurprised. His father has a beaming look on his face. "Son, I heard what you did today and well,I'm damn proud of you son. When I was your age, I ****ed my teacher crazy, and let me tell ya, she was a real hottie. Because you have ****ed your teacher, I decided to buy you that two thousand dollar bike that you wanted. Why don'tyou come down to the garage and I'll show you your new bike," the father prompted. "By the way, don't tell your mother about this."
They go down to the garage, and sure enough, there was a beautiful new bike. "Dad," the boyshouts "I don't know what to say. I thought youwere going to be pissed at me. How can I ever thank you?" Son, all you have to do is show mehow much you enjoy it. Now go on and ride it forme."
"Dad, thanks a lot," said the boy, "but do you think I can do this tomorrow, my *** is stillsore!"

And this one too.

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospitaldonation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood.They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here todonate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment andthey chatted some more before going theirseparate ways.
Several months later, the same man and womanmeet again at the donation center.
Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed)"Unh unh."

[aritrim]

A surgeon went to a mechanic to get his car's engine fixed. The mechanic did all jobs and told the doctor that he took out the engine, opened its heart, took out the valves, repaired and put them back. And he said "Tell me surgeon why I get such a small fees when you get a huge amount while doing the same".

The surgeon smiled and whispered in the mechanic's ear "Try doing the same when the engine is running".

[kvsk4]

aritrim Wrote:Then it looks more stupid to put stars to represent LICK

How could I miss this thread, so much relieving man's inner most feelings with laughter
Thanks Ari.

Diablo Wrote:Ari....the **** could be LICK too.

Winston, I think this thread should allow everything, I mean most of the things in boys' vocabulary.

It would be best to strictly restrict the usage of these special words in other threads/forums on this site.

[Guggga]

Hilarious Football Commentary

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.

19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.

18. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.

17. It's a game of inches.

16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.

15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.

14. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.

13. He found his tight end.

12. End around.

11. He had to stretch to get it in.

10. He gets penetration in the backfield.

9. He blows them off (at the line).

8. He bangs it in.

7. He could go all the way.

6. He gets it off just in time.

5. He goes deep.

4. He found a hole and slid through it.

3. He pounds it in.

2. He beats them off (the line)

1. He's got great hands (the keeper).

[alanjg]

Here is one from myside

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!

[alanjg]

Sam's Ipod Joke!

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

[alanjg]

A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time.
The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called Tolio."
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."
Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had Kneesles."
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"

[alanjg]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted !